The Five Minute Iliad and Other Instant Classics by Greg Nagan

This book was just plain silly. So, of course, I loved it. I laughed so hard there were tears streaming down my face. Greg Nagan is a humor writer and playwright who previously wrote for Prairie Home Companion and founded two award-winning theater companies. This anthology includes a brief overview of 15 beloved classics, from Homer to Kerouac. “If you don’t familiarize yourself with the themes and ideas of the Great Books, you’re going to lead a miserable life and die,” writes Nagan. “You’ll probably lead a miserable life and die anyway, but an acquaintance with the Great Books can help you understand your misery and death in a broader context.” I loved how he imitated the authors’ styles in addition to summarizing their prose. There were too many favorite quotes to pick just one:

From John Milton’s Paradise Lost
“His anguished cries roared out, unheard
By his thousand self-abhorring Peers.
Like Ganglyass, and Vulvatron,
Thus too even Puffles the Wanker:”

From Jane Austen’s Sense and Sensibility
“ ‘I love Willoughby, and he loves me,’ Marianne said. ‘That is all I require of a man’s character.’
‘Tell me at least,’ Elinor said, struggling to contain herself, ‘that you have examined his dental records and had his handwriting analyzed. No? Oh, Marianne . . . you will regret it!’”

From Bram Stoker’s Dracula
“Patient Renfeld continues to exhibit a strange religious mania. He continues to talk about the coming of the Master, and continues to devour insects. Diagnosis: batshit crazy. Treatment: morphine.”

From George Orwell’s 1984
“And suddenly he felt filled with warmth; realization poured over him like milk over corn flakes; he had finally conquered himself. The future didn’t suck after all. He loved Big Brother.”